Leaving on a Jet Plane

The autobiographical essay that i wrote for english, not really my best work, and i have taken things out (indeed i couldn't even write dad or James in because i didn't have the space - i'm already a page over)indeed some authors liberties have been taken :P

The early morning sun streaked in through the curtain, lighting up golden specs of dust throughout the room. Slowly as the sun rose, the room became more visible and the dark shadowy shapes could be distinguished. The doors of the wardrobe in the far corner were wide open, revealing a vast cavity and a dozen empty coat hangers. Two large pieces of luggage were sitting by the closed door, a daunting omen so early in the morning. Apart from the overly sized baggage the floor was littered with random assortments, a book, some discarded clothing and the packaging for several vacuum seal bags. The bed made the only other piece of furniture in the room. A silk overthrow lied thickly around me and her. Her make-up showing remnants of a tear streaked right cheek, her left hidden somewhere in the pillows. Even with her mascara running, and her hair a mess, sleeping there peacefully she was absolutely beautiful, Ivy; the love of my life.
As I brushed her short fringe away from her face, I gently woke her up, kissed from her neck to her eyelids. Her eyes however bursting open with the loud crashing at my bedroom door, my mother was never really as subtle as me.
“We’re late, everyone in the car!”
I rushed from my room to the hallway, tripping over my bags on the way. It was full of activity, a rare sight for so early in the morning. Bleary eyed and busy, my family were rushing around making sure everything was in order. We were a well oiled machine, Grabbing the heavy bags, my whole life packed into two suitcases, and lugging them to the car. Juggling my 3 year old niece; Elli, not used to being woken so early, double checking for my passport, my wallet, my ticket. Mum; usually calm and resolved, was running around with Jess, my always stressing sister, in some sort of super team, collecting all the things I had forgotten or left out, triple checking that everything was organized. They’re always there to help. My younger brother Mark, Ivy and me stood by the front door, not wanting to get in the way, an unspoken but unified silence over what was happening. Holding Ivy’s hand I was hustled into the car, the trip was beginning.

“All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die”

Not even 10 minutes into the trip I got a phone call, it was Maddy. Her and 2 of my closest friends; Holly and Kristal, were meeting us for breakfast, and joining us on the trip to the airport. Meeting them in the car park of maccas the growing group piled out of the two cars. I looked around at the people I loved, all out earlier than I would have ever thought, making an effort to say goodbye, to make me understand that they loved me, that I would be missed. We all silently hugged, not knowing quite what to say. I cried, soundless tears falling onto my hotcakes, no one said a word about it, even though their usual jeers would have been unrelenting. The eight of us were definitely a sight to see, being up much earlier than normal had given us a groggy look and the tears had left red rings around everyone eyes. Holding Ivy’s hand tightly, and a comforting squeeze from Jess and we were back on the road, a pair of cars, carrying those who I held so dearly. The car trip felt surreal; in the car behind us, Mark who I was so protective of, my friends who had been through all the ups and downs. In my car; mum and Jess in the front, my two pillars, Elli sleeping peacefully beside me, my hope, and Ivy silently crying whilst she held me, my love.

“So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go”

Another phone call pulled me out of my slumber; I must have fallen asleep on the way, 15 minutes away from the airport now. It was my second eldest sister; Bianca
“I’m just ringing to wish you luck, I’m sorry. I don’t know how to say goodbye. I love you lil’ big sis.”
The onslaught of tears began again. ‘Lil-Big sis’ was what we had called each other since we were little. Bing couldn’t get the day off work to come and say goodbye. We were often fighting, but all that seemed forgotten in the way of something much larger. Goodbyes bring out many different things in people but universally all the insignificant things slide away. I was going to miss her.

“There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you”

Arriving at the airport I began to feel really nervous, I think it was here that it really sunk in that I was leaving. We all filed out of the car for a final time, Elli grappling to hold onto her mum, Ivy and I left to heave the baggage to check in, our hands letting go for the first time. Mum drove off to find a park; I spotted a small tear glistening on her cheek. Luggage in tail we made a beeline to the check in. hustling and bustling with all the other passengers, we finally had done everything we needed to do, the bags were checked, my ticket scanned, my seat assigned. With half an hour left the only thing left was the thing we had all been dreading. The final goodbye.

“So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go”

Waiting in the lounge, we met up with mum. Small talk passed over me, I was in another world, afraid, already I felt so alone, surrounded by the people that I loved, holding Ivy’s hand, I was scared. Colliding back with the real world I was thrown to the floor in an all embracing hug, Bing whispered in my ear
“I wouldn’t miss this for the world lil-big sis.”
Smiling at me with all knowing looks I was met with the faces of mum and Jess, sworn to secrecy. Bing had driven down with Jessie, Marney and Bob; completing my closest friend group. Squealing with delight I forgot why we were all here, pulling them all in close. The minutes rushed down, with a large entourage of friends and family we made our way to the international departures gate.
Without speaking a word they separated into a single file line, starting with friends and ending with family. This was the hardest point, I knew this would be the last time I would see them in over a year. I made my way through, embracing each of my friends as though I would never see them again, whispering my goodbyes in their ears. It got harder as I went down the line, some of the strongest people I know crumpling in my arms.
It was so difficult I barely made it to the family end of the line. Bing my guiding light and idol told me how proud she was of me. Mark usually so emotionless sobbed into my shoulders. Jess, my best friend and wealth of advice, holding her daughter Elli, collaborating me into an all consuming three way hug. Mum, usually so strong held herself together while I hugged her, thanking her for all that she had done. The last in the line was Ivy. I had no words I could say to her that could express the way I felt now sobbing, I held her; one last embrace.
“I love you, always.”
And I was on my way.

“Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone”

There was a strange feeling among the group, all upset to say goodbye, but something more than that. Afraid because goodbyes mean change. We were leaving the normal and entering the unknown. Over the time that I am away I’m going to change, and so are they. We were all nervous about what those changes would be, and how they would affect our relationships.
Scared and alone I stepped through the departures gate. I stole one last glance back at the line. Nervous and independent I took the last few steps through the gate, the last few steps away from everyone I love, the last few steps and I grew up.

“Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go”

College. University. I used to think that it was the final step of growing up. That once you hit this point you have a clear and concise view of what you’re going to be when you “grow up”, that in fact you are already well on your way to being viewed as an adult, contributing all you have to give to this global society. But now that I am here, with no idea what I really want to do, and not feeling the least bit grown up, I have a different view. Does the view of when you are grown up change as you get older? An unattainable age when in fact you should have achieved (or be well on your way to achieving) all you set out to do in life? And at what point to you finally accept that you are as up as you will ever grow?
I don’t feel any older or wiser than I did when I was 17 or from when I turned 18. I have all the necessities; I live by myself, moved across the world, am chasing my dreams. But I still feel as though I am waiting for this moment when I consider myself to be a grown up? Is there an exact point? Or a list of prerequisites? Do I need to have a mortgage or have a 9-5 job? If I want to travel does that mean I put off growing up for another year? Am I grown up when I graduate?
On the other hand however I don’t consider myself to be a child. So what am I? I appear to be in this unnamed stage of nothingness. A phase that the developmental time line skipped out on. Where do I go from here? Can I go back to being a child? Or if I can’t do that, how exactly do I complete the growing up process?
That is all.
Much love and a live stream of the triple J hottest 100
Stef xoxo

Ps. Happy Australia Day!

So I suppose that I have been pretty slack with this whole blog thing. To be truthful the concept scares me. I mean I understand it, you write, people read. A way to let the world know what’s going on in your life. To allow others a window into your existence, or in my case, a way to let those back home keep up to date with what’s going on here in America. There aren’t any real rules I gather. I can write what I want. People can read into it what they want. It’s all rather subjective. But I was just thinking, one of those early morning thoughts when you should really be asleep. Where to start? This whole new journey thing should have a clear beginning. It is in chronological order I mean, from when I hopped on the plane, to when I got off it is the only real grey area. But does that mean I catch you up to speed on what I have been doing for the last 2 weeks and 4 days? Or do I just start from now, 4.45AM on my 19^th day here? And then I got to thinking about defining moments.

Does anyone actually know when a defining moment is in their life, or is it only in hindsight that we understand that was when everything changed. The moment my journey began. Because I have had many moments. The day I found out about my scholarship. The day I booked my ticket. The day I got on the plane. Said goodbye to everything that I know and everyone that I love to take an adventure to the other side of the world. And everything that I have experienced from that point onwards?

How do I catch up you, the readers, on my life up until this point. Give you a real understanding on what it is I am doing here, how I got here? And why? So I’m going to skip all that. If you don’t know already I suppose you will figure it out. Or catch up along the way.

So here I am writing my first blog, 19 days late, in my apartment room. I should probably be writing that paper for English that is due on Tuesday, or doing some sort of study. I have assimilated to the college student lifestyle and all the procrastination that goes along with it quite fine. So this is it… and I don’t really have much to say. I have photos up around my room of everyone back home. Random assortments of foreign candies litter my desk. Accompanied by my text books and a bunch of note books, a calendar full of dates assignments are due. A Clayton State athletic hand book full of forms I should be filling out. An ipod playing music I listen to every day. Two bears with the last written words from the people back home, sorted into two groups; friends and family. On my wall I have a table with the times in the different time zones; at 12am here its 4pm back home. So right now it’s 9pm there. This is it. Home for the next five months, and periodically over the next 4-5 years. Subjective to my performance both in classes and on the soccer field.

That’s all I have for now.
Much love and a pound of strawberry artificially flavored twists.
- Stef